They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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