we have officially lost it.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
