A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
