i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
