I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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