Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
