If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
