I accidentally had phone sex last night
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
