i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize