I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
