I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
