For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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