Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize