Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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