Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
We need to rekindle our bromance
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Randomize
