I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
