i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
