I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
