There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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