Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
