I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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