I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
