i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
