do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
