He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
