i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
