so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
i think my cat just said my name.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
