I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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