Your mouth is God's brothel.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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