I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
