i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
you had me at cake vodka
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
