How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
