My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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