Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
