it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
