finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
