Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
