Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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