mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize