3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
