I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
