There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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