Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
