well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
