I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The convent might be a nice break from real life
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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