As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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