WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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