I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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