but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
