there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
