YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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