My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
As shirtless as possible
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
