I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
