I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Don't tell me you're on acid again
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize