ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
