I heard we made out
Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
