I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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