I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
