have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
