I wish you could order shots online.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
