he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
