All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
