there was a trapeze. enough said
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
