Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
