i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize