We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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