Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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