I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
