People with herpes should wear stickers.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
