Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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