playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
