I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
