I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
