I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
