check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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