Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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