Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
