woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Houston, we have a blender
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize