WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
