i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
