hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize