there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
