Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
soo... how was my night?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
