So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize