how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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