do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize