I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize