so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
