I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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