I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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