if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
