4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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