Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Randomize
