This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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