WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
