I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
